Copyright © 2013 D.B. Smyth, All rights reserved

Copyright © 2012 David Yu via Flickr, Some rights reserved

Don’t you ever want a fresh start? A way to make today the day, the beginning, without people looking over your shoulder at all the Past you’re pulling behind you. Some trunks burst with pain and heartache and shame while others–often the heaviest ones–overflow with the emptiness of broken promises and unrealized dreams?

My sad attempts at social media feel that way most of the time. This blogs sits here like an old family picture collecting dust on the top of my silent piano. I love it, I want to save it from a future fire, but somehow weeks pass as I stumble through my busy schedule and I keep thinking “Tomorrow. Tomorrow I’ll pick it up, dust it off, smile as I try to plunk out the melody of ‘Memories’ or ‘Send in the Clowns’ and I’ll prove that I love this photo… that the top of the piano is a place of honor rather than an elephant graveyard where memories come to die. Tomorrow will be a fresh start.”

But the days collect like the dust, the decaying carcasses of misused seconds and minutes and hours waiting to be scooped up and thrown away, and the photo goes untouched.

The blog goes unchanged.

It sits here, unused and ignored. Sometimes I think about dusting it off, but then I wonder what others might think. And I feel shame. Yep, shame. And the heaviness of a bulging bag that tells me I should have done more. Should have kept up. Should have made it a priority.

Is it too late? I wonder. Have I missed the train, boat, car, scooter? Is my career over before it began because I’m not [insert awesome writer here] who has been able to craft novels, blog daily, tweet hourly, pin a zillion photos (or even 12), develop a following on Instagram while also getting mother-of-the-year and a Nobel peace prize? I don’t even have kids!

*breathes into paper bag*

*calms down*

*waves off paramedics*

And I realize–just now–, if I don’t want people starring at my baggage, maybe I should stop bringing it everywhere I go.

*drops bags and runs*

Fresh starts are not only possible, they are necessary. They are the Springs that take us from Winter to Summer and the Falls that provide relief from the scorching heat of too-much-sunshine. Fresh starts are the do-overs and the mulligans we always asked for as kids and need even more as adults. They are apologies and trying again and picking ourselves off the floor when we’ve stumbled for the umpteenth time. They are the cheers from friends and strangers, and they are the tiny moments of triumph that remind us that we can.

I’ve decided today will be–IS–my tiny moment of triumph. It’s dusting the photos and playing the piano and reminding myself that it’s never too late to try because it’s never too late to live.

Unless you’re dead. And then, my friend, you have other problems.

Happy writing, living, loving, being!

May today be filled with whatever fresh starts you need.

Odd years, oddly enough, tend to be my better years. Not sure whether that’s because even years have historically been such a let down (oh the examples I could give you!) or because the universe is telling me to embrace my oddness–AWKWARD FTW!–, but I tend to look forward to the ODDs with excitement. I just know something good is up ahead and I become all giddy over the opportunities and changes that life has waiting for me.

(Perhaps odd years are so good because I make them good? Idk, just a thought.)

Regardless, I’m already breathing easier knowing that 2012 (fondly known as “The Year of Suck”) has ended and I’ve stepped confidently into 2013. Bring it on, life!

I used to set pages of goals to accomplish each year but, like most people, found myself checking only one or two items off said list. I tried narrowing it down to 10 and then 5 and then 3 things. You’d think I could do that, right? Nope. Even with three items I found myself with empty check boxes and a week of self loathing as I closed out one year and looked toward the next. Didn’t seem to matter what I DID accomplish. I only saw what I didn’t.

Until last year. Last year I created a theme rather than a checklist. And you know what? I LOVED it! Not the year (some things still suck regardless of how awesome your theme is), but the ability to place my circumstances in context of a bigger outlook. Then, even the challenges had value as I saw them as opportunities rather than the apocalypse they used to be.

So I’m continuing the tradition for 2013! My focus this year will be…

… drum roll please…

*tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap-tap*

(What? I don’t have drums.)

Copyright © 2007 Umair Mohsin via Flickr, Some rights reserved

“Let your life shine and your story unfold.”

Letting my life shine means, first, continuing to unpack my internal workings to pinpoint the REAL me–what do I really want, what do I really believe, what rules will I allow to govern my life? Then accepting that self–my desires, my beliefs, my needs, my hopes, my path–without explanations or apologies. It means giving my Internal Critic a one-way ticket to the Bermuda Triangle and giving myself permission (and confidence) to be authentic, regardless of who I’m with.

Letting my story unfold means allowing life to develop without trying to micromanage the Universe. Like writing a novel, it’s good to have an end goal in mind, but the real magic happens when you simply let the story unfold. One of my favorite quotes right now is, “I’m the hero of this story. I don’t need to be saved.” Hell-a-YES! Empowerment without perfection. Like any hero I will conquer and I will fail, but as long as I remain open to the journey, in the end I will have a story, and a heart, worth having.

I don’t expect any of this to be easy, but I do expect it to be amazing!

To clearly state my intention to the UNIVERSE: Today and always, I am embracing my authentic self with love and confidence, allowing my “ME-ness” to shine in all areas of my life, and allowing others to show up to support me. I’m letting life and change happen naturally and wonderfully. I am happy to be me.

2013 will be the year of win! And whatever happens, it will be an important part of creating my story.

How about you? Do you set goals? Intentions? Themes? What will you create for yourself in 2013?

When we turn off all the noise, the possibilities become endless.

Copyright © 2012 Daisy Reyes, All rights reserved (used with permission)

What possibilities are waiting for you?

Keep giving me hope for a better day
Keep giving me love to find a way
Through this heaviness I feel
I just need someone to say, everything’s okay

What helps you feel like everything’s okay?

photo credit (featured image): Copyright © 2009 Carol Froes via Flick, cc Some rights reserved

Copyright © 2010 Ryan Hyde via Flickr, cc Some rights reserved

[Insert witty text here.]

Between sleeping 12 hours a day and swimming in fog while awake, I can’t seem to eek out a coherent blog post. It was supposed to be on kindness… so here goes… kindness is keeping my germs to myself. The end. (Super deep, right?)

Hope you’re feeling better than I am! See you next week, friends.

Do you ever allow yourself sick days?

Copyright © 2009 Noemà Ji via Flickr,
cc Some rights reserved

Oh, my life is changing everyday,
In every possible way.
And oh, my dreams, it’s never quiet as it seems,
Never quiet as it seems.
…And then I open up and see the person falling here is me,
A different way to be.

~ “Dreams” by The Cranberries

Copyright © 2011 Just call me Jac via Flickr, cc Some rights reserved

Day 1 I was terrified. Day 54 I became numb. Day 210 I was done. Really done. I-can’t-take-one-more-step done. All I wanted to do was to close my eyes and never wake up to the numbness that had separated me from everything in my life, including myself.

But I did take one more step.

And then I took another.

I took a long series of one-steps all the way through months of therapy, packing a home, moving across the country, trying to start a new life and, hopefully, forget the old one.

Day 459 I learned there wouldn’t be a trial. Not enough evidence. Only my word against his, and my word wasn’t enough.

I gave up.

No more steps. No more trying. The apocalyptic war inside me had finally destroyed everything, leaving nothing but burnt out buildings and charcoaled corpses in its wake.

“I can’t take one more step,” I cried to my husband, the dear sweet man who had already supported me through so much. “This is where I sit.”

“It’s okay,” he said.

“It is?”

“Yeah, because I’ll put you in my little red wagon and pull you until you have strength enough to stand.”

“What happens when you get tired,” I asked.

“Then we’ll hitch up the dogs and let them pull us both.”

I laughed and cried and pictured a series of paintings that started with a little boy pulling a little girl in a little red wagon and ended with two pit bulls doing the pulling as the boy held the girl in his arms.

Sometimes life becomes so hard we can’t take one more step. The journey has beaten us down, our feet our tired, and we simply cannot muster the ability to move forward. I believe at those times it is essential that we trust others to help pull us along.

Courage isn’t doing everything by ourselves, it is recognizing when we need to place our trust in the strength of someone else. When we can’t see. When we can’t process. When the forest is too crowded and the sky too dark… these are the moments when we need to climb into someone else’s wagon for a time (not forever) and let them help us through the night.

Trust is scary, and it’s definitely not easy.

I must do this alone! we think. I don’t need anyone’s help! I don’t want anyone’s help. 

Because somehow needing help is akin to admitting defeat. We have failed. We are weak. We have fallen before fear.

Myth. Falsehood. Lies.

Utilizing every resource possible to survive is success. Asking for help requires strength. And both demonstrate the ability to act in spite of fear.

Whether a spouse, family member or friend—find someone you can entrust with your courage. This person maybe different at different times. Sometimes it is my hubbs. Sometimes it’s one of my siblings. Often times it’s one of my many wonderful, amazing and heartfelt friends.

And sometimes that person is me.

Courage is trusting others—understanding our limits and knowing when to ask for help. It’s climbing into their little red wagon when we can’t take one more step, and letting go of control so our arms can be open to reach for hope.

“If you cannot trust anything else, can you trust me?” my husband asked.

“Yes,” I replied.

“Then just for this time, trust me that you are loved. You are worth fighting for.”

We don’t have to walk alone.

Day 1409 I am happy. Tomorrow I will take one more step.

Copyright © 2000 Shane Gorski via Flickr, cc Some rights reserved

“Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: you don’t give up.”

~ Anne Lamott

Copyright © 2006 Bart Maguire via Flickr, cc Some rights reserved

Want to change your mind? Be grateful for something. Anything.

Today I’m grateful for the process. What process? Is it too lame to say any process? But specifically I’m grateful for the process of change—the time it takes to shift from one way of being, thinking, living to another.

Yes, I’m talking about Butterfly Soup.

I attended a conference over the weekend for those like me—a variety of people trying to work through the concerns life has given them as they forge their own path rather than walking the one others have made for them. It was enlightening and difficult. At the end of the evening I found myself talking with a man on the other side of all this crazy.

“What does it feel like?” I asked.

“Peaceful and free,” he said.

I expressed a desire to fast forward the painful parts right now. Can’t I just jump to the end? Wahoo! I’m changed. It’s over!

“No,” he said.

Don’t rush the process. Don’t force it. Because the process is what turns us into who we are. The pain, the agony, as well as the joy and the breakthroughs—all of it shapes us into more complete human beings if we allow it. Change can’t happen without the process.

Whether writing, parenting, living—whatever we do the process will teach us. We’ll make mistakes. We’ll fail. We’ll fall. It’ll hurt. But we’ll also succeed and overcome and rise to meet the next challenge. We’ll change and grow and, hopefully, be stronger people tomorrow than we were today and yesterday.

So yes, I am thankful for the process in every aspect of my life. I’m sure I’ll need a reminder in about five minutes, but, for now Universe, thank you.

Change can suck. What helps you move forward through the process?

photo credit (featured image): Shannon Kringen via Flickr, cc Some rights reserved