I count myself one of the luckiest girls in the world for being introduced to Liza Kane. Not only a fab author (I know, I’m blessed to be her beta reader!), but also a great friend and motivational guru!
In a recent conversation I mentioned that “I feel shame/guilt over everything and it shuts me down.” Do you ever feel that way? Like every move you make is the wrong one? Or that life is too much so maybe you should just throw in the towel now (because it’s never going to work out) and watch Korean dramas instead?
*looks around for anyone nodding yes*
Ok, maybe that’s just me.
…and I discovered some very interesting things! Here are just a few:
Belief: I am broken because I stumble–a LOT.
Truth: I am learning to cope with difficult circumstances, past and present. This will take time and compassion. I will most likely make progress, stumble and then have to push forward again. Like doing ladder sprints. In the end, this type of interval training will provide me with the greatest strength and endurance of character.
Belief: I have to be perfect. “Do it right the first time.”
Truth: I am not perfect (and P.S. Everyone already knows!). I am human, therefore I am imperfect. Perfection is a myth. I will never be without flaw. I will get sick. I will be late. I will miss assignments. I will skip blog days. I will make others mad and even make enemies. I will misunderstand others intentions. I will compare myself to them and usually find myself wanting. And I will definitely screw things up. But imperfection also means I can try new things and fail. I can make mistakes without eternity exploding (and all life along with it). I can be happy and sad and angry and at peace. I can experience life to the fullest because I have the capacity to excel as well as stumble, to run as well as stand still. I more complete because I am imperfect.
Belief: I should not NEED anyone. To NEED is to be weak.
Truth: Complete independence is a lie (Unless I live naked in the woods and eat only the stuff I grow… then… maybe… but I really hate peeing in the woods). My aim should be for healthy INTERdependence—understanding that all parts of a system are necessary for the health of the whole. I need friends. I need support. And I need love.
Truth: NEED is not a weakness if I will acknowledge and take care of the need. Weakness is denying truth and acting in a manner opposite to my needs. Greater strength is required to rely and trust in others than to walk the path alone.
Belief: Others’ successes are an indication of my failure. Only one can win.
Truth: Life is not a race, it is hiking to a mountain top with many, many people. We are all striving to reach the top and see the view. The view does not disappear when someone else reaches the end. Their success does not remove my ability to also partake in the splendor. Only giving up can do that. I control my outcome.
Belief: I am awkward.
Truth: I am awkward… but I like me that way. (That last part came as a surprise. I like being awkward? Who knew? *shakes head in disbelief*)
So those are just a few of the false beliefs helping me to feel shame. Thanks, Liza, for the advice. I can’t believe what I discovered about me–about how I think and how I view myself.
What about you? What beliefs are you holding onto that make you feel shame and what is the truth behind them? If that makes you squirm a little too much, you can always share your favorite “deflection activity” instead!